Advice From Rick Hanson

  Much of life is about two great needs: intimacy and autonomy, connecting and distancing, dependence and independence. You step in and then you step back. Often, these two needs are set at odds with each other, as if you have to choose between them: If I give to you, will there be anything left for me? If I take for myself, will anyone love me?

  But in fact, intimacy and autonomy support each other. Connections with others build up resources inside you that enable you to live as an independent person. Knowing in your bones that you have the right to get your own needs met in a relationship makes it safer to get closer.

  So this week's practice is about recognizing the intertwining of intimacy and autonomy, seeing that: kindness to you is kindness to me; kindness to me is kindness to you. We may know this intellectually, but registering this emotionally in little ways in everyday life is really powerful. It makes you feel calmer and happier, more connected to others and more at home in yourself. source